Let's talk about sex baby, lets talk about you and me...
Iv’e realised being part of mental health sites and pages and advice blogs, videos etc the one thing that no one talks about is sex. The effects that your mental health can have on you and in regards to this issue…
Now i'm not sat here like let’s just talk about sex and it’s just all about that because its not. It’s about being comfortable sexually in yourself and your sexuality too.
Since my RTA in october last year and my diagnosis of personality disorder I have been utterly replused by sex. I had no intention to to even come close to it, let alone did the thoughts cross my mind. I’m not one to go round just wanting it either but the thought never crossed my mind, in fact I rolled my eyes at it. At this time stupidly starting seeing someone and i was very meh about it all. I think it was nice having someone round and believe me he was lovely but it was to the point where i wasn’t even bothered to kiss him. To me even kissing was a chore, I just had no motivation at all to even be any kind of physical with anyone as far as including hugs.
I just didn’t want that closeness with anyone. I was on bumble literally to talk to people because I felt as though I needed to get out there and socialise not to eventually be with anyone but to literally get out of the house. But all of these dates I went on I wasn't attracted to any of them, I just pretended, and I was really good at pretending.
It’s like my diagnosis, crash and new depression medication turned a switch off and that was it. I said to my friend Kelsey I feel like I'm a nun, taken a solemn oath to not participate in any emotional touching of any kind.
I don’t know the medical reasoning for the withdrawal of wanting sex, but i know it’s one of the side effects of the medication. But there's no advice out there, no hints no tips to be like this could help you. Obviously I don't have a partner but for the people who do this can have a major effect on their relationship, leaving the other person feeling not wanted, and yourself being repulsed even trying to be loveable doesn't always work and can cause more damage too.
Sex is important, self love is important. Love is important. So wanted to be hugged, held kissed and be intimate with a person is important. I wish I had the answers, of how I could help everyone who may be in the same boat, but I don't but talking about it can help. Know you're not alone and there are other people out there who are going through the same thing. Something you've tried but didn't work might work for them.
I have tried one thing, much to everyone's dismay…. Weed. naughty yes i know but after dealing with so much stress and chronic pain from the crash. It’s relaxed me and soothed my body. But not only that it’s turned my switch back on. I only had a little, but I'm glad I did. Not promoting doing drugs, promoting other options. So since that day i feel like me again well the sexual side of me at least haha! I actually want to kiss people, I want things to happen i want to be comforted and feel love from people. I don’t know how or why it worked but it did. Since my diagnosis I am far more open to things now.
Whether it spiritual, herbal natural i'm willing to try it. I've seen a tarot reader who put my mind place somewhere else and told me my blogs will reach out to others and will turn into something big. And she wasn’t wrong I’ve sold books from these blogs. I purchased goddess cards and these bring me positive thoughts everyday, that little bit of light in the darkness. And now I've had a little smoke and my sex drive is back at what it was and i’m starting to feel good about myself. I am attractive, I am wanted. Not just for sex but for who I am, and the person that resinates from within.
All I'm saying is try, try the unordinary. Because let's face it we are far from ordinary x