I recently watched a video on #youtube and it was #Oprah discussing the fallout from the #MichaelJackson documentary, I was blown away from her statement and it was what I took from the whole story. She said that #sexualabuse is not as simple as one word, what it is ;is #seduction and #manipluation.
So this had me thinking about the routes and lengths people go to manipulate and seduce people. I've been looking back at the type of people who use these methods. #Narcissist #pedofiles #abusers #sexual abusers as well as the term called #gaslighting.
Now what I started to see and what I really wanted others to see was some of the ways they do what they do. From being sexually abused when i was younger to being involved with more than one narcissist in my lifetime and witnessing very innocent friends being manipulated into situations that broke parts of them. Here are some of things i've been witnessed to and some things that have been used on me too;
1. Homework
Every single person who wants to implement themselves in your life has to do their homework on you. They need to know the ins and outs and what is sacred to you. In their eyes they need to see your weaknesses so in the future they can use it against you, and keep you locked into thinking you need them. This can be research into items, favourite hobbies, your insecurities your mental health, even your future prospects. A way to build a connection with you, sounds simple but it's effective.
2. You're my hero
After finding out pieces of information about you said abuser will act in a way to comfort you. To be that hero you've always wanted or thought you wanted maybe not even needed. Whether that's a close family member, a new partner or a friend. This person needs to be recognised as important in your life for you then to need them. They need to feel validated in order for you to let your walls down and trust them. This is a key factor in building a foundation with you.
3. Continuous communications
This abuser will always make you feel important. They at first will always go out of their way to contact you,through texts, calls, private jokes and going out on special days out as they wouldn't want to be with anyone else and they will tell you this, and how this experience is better because it's with you. Another thing they say to make you feel special. You become that special person the one who they want to talk to and be around.
4. Let me tell you my secret
Another tactic they all use. Now obviously I have fallen into this trap many a time, but it's me i am kind hearted and want to help others if i can and i don't like seeing people suffer when i can help. But these predators look for that. They look for kind hearted people that they can manipulate through their caring nature. Phrases like"only you know this about me", "you're the only person i trust" you are my soul mate" and key " i love you". Attacking your kind innocent soul is the only way they can implement your life and stay there.
5. Success- then threats
Once this person has got what they have been working so hard for, it all becomes threats and secret codes and messages. Ways to hide what you're doing. Because they know what they are doing is wrong and that they would be judged for their actions, but instead it's made that you both will be judged. Some groomers/predators have used we'll both go to jail, they'll kill you,people are going think your disgusting you're a slut. You let this happen, they wont let us be together. Many narcissist will use that this is special and only for us to have and share and know about, and that if people find out they may lose everything especially if they're doing things on the side. All a guilt trip into keeping things secret so their true colours will not be shown to everyone.
6. Lack of interest/ Slowing down
Once this person has got what they want and after the time has past when you are no longer wanted, feel needed to them or you're starting to drift or become too needy of them, they start to distance themselves. They slow down contact, they don't see you as much but keep telling you that you're special and mean so much to them but their busy and they cant help it. But to keep their secret because they love you and you love them. Love is a very strong manipulation tool, even if you're abused sexually, mentally, physically they build that love with you first so you will always see the side of love even with everything else going on.
It's true love can be blinding
Once you do finally get away or they're done with you, the reality of it all sinks in. It may take you month years to realise the abuse, the manipulation and the seduction that was involved with these predators, these abusers, these narcissist's. But you are not left alone to deal with this, there are so many people you can talk to, so many services available. Although some of these manipulations and abuse may have lifelong effects on us, i think we all find ways to find peace in the violence we have suffered, whether that's gardening, singing, writing, going on walks charity work we do eventually find peace.
We don't need to forgive the people who did this to us, we need to forgive ourselves and know its not our fault, any of the things that happened. We are beautiful souls, each unique and individual and deserve love and self love in every form.
Please see some support below: Don't suffer in silence #mentalhealth #abuse #predators #sexualabuse #narcissist #love #selflove #support #blog #mind #charity #suicideawareness
Victim support- Domestic violence/Abuse ( www.victimsupport.org.uk )
0808 168 9111
Samaritans- (www.samaritians.org )
116 123
jo@samaritans.org
Rape crisis centre- ( www.rapecrisis.org.uk )
Mind mental health- ( www.mind.org.uk )
Disclaimer; these opinions are of my own and in no way represent others or individuals. These scenarios are used to help and inform others of abuse and mental health and self help. They are no way directed at individuals. Ren